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  • Writing style is spot on! that first paragraph really engages which is great, the text itself is too bulky, there is a need for pictures and stuff to break it up a bit. otherwise good work

  • I like your choice of title. I recommend using subtitles as well. It looks a bit wordy. You can use pictures and diagrams to cut down on your words and this would also keep the reader engaged. Your writing also has good amount of details. I would say overall a good draft but working on your layout would help a lot.

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